Painful Parodies II: Chris Bailey Conquers America!

You heard it here first folks. When I first released my little book into the public, I had low hopes for what it would achieve. Surprisingly though, I soon conquered Great Britain with my extremist views and ability to let my opinions fly. My book flew of the shelves and people followed my story like a religious sect. The Government crippled under my truths, and that unfortunate impact against an ice-berg over the Atlantic. RIP my little Umpa's.

I then turned my attention state side, seeking global domination almost drunk with power. Horny at the prospect of having more people join my collective empire. England, now aptly titled Chrisland, was forever changed for the better. No more flimsy punishments! No more shortening already short words! Bast, sarcy, evs and any other form of slang is now punishable by death! Plus the added bonus of no more pants at work! (For me, at least).

It took a little longer than I expected, but today, that all changed. I flew over to America on my private jet (The Bailey Bomber) and took the land of opportunity in my loving embrace. I challenged Obama to an arm wrestling competition, for the spoils of presidency. He wasn't really into the idea, but I looked at him with my big puppy blues and whispered "I thought Obama-Care(d)." He replied with a wink and decided to take me on.

Over confident, he failed to take in to consideration, that even writers go to the gym sometimes. His face as his knuckles smashed against that fancy porcelain table, will be one I remember.

Here is a picture of Obama handing over America...

The camera added 20 pounds. My second order of business is to get an extra days holiday commissioned for the sole purpose of staying home and relieving ourselves from wearing those damn awful pants. 

My first order of business, was to make myself at home in the grand old U S of A...

It's starting to feel a bit more homely now. Until next time... President Bailey.

Disclaimer: C.S. Bailey hopes that you will all take this as a harmless joke. He means no offence by this blog post and at this present moment, has no intention nor the time for global domination.