My determination has always been my strongest quality, that and my secret confidence. I've always had this ability to get what I want even when it has seemed far from my reach. Being brought up by a single mother probably helped. Always struggling to do right by me, always working hard to provide for us and teaching me that if there was something I wanted, I had to get it myself.
It probably had something to do with me dropping out of college the first time. It wasn't giving me access to get what I want at the time. Do I regret it now? I don't at all. I may have a trivial job but that has lead me to have more focus elsewhere. It's worth mentioning that I did attempt to go back but that's a whole different story. I could easily apply for more taxing jobs, but as I see people take their work home with them, that is not something I'm willing to do.
Last year, I vowed that I would release my book and climb three mountains and I have done exactly that. Because I was fucking determined to.
After I finished work today, I've spent the day trying to sort out this new Halloween collaboration. Sorting out confusions and organising cameos from other authors. Unfortunately we have just found out that Bryan Thomas will no longer be joining due to personal reasons. It's a damn shame because he's a bloody good writer and a fantastic bloke.
It put me in a reflective mood sort of because despite all of my determination, things can still turn upside down. Now I know, you can't help certain things happening. But my question is, what happens when that determination runs out?
There are still typos in my book you know. And it infuriates me. I strived and tried so hard to make sure it was perfect. I read it endlessly until I hated the sight of it. And still they deceived me. I could go back and change the whole thing again but I really wanted it to be done with. I felt that I had deserved to have that perfect book out there and finished. They'll only little and hardly noticeable but they're still there... nagging at me constantly.
I've also missed two separate deliveries of my books due to being at work. And to make things worse, the cup I sent off to the winner of my 20/20 quiz is being sent back because the postal service failed to deliver it. So let me get this right... You're providing a service, that you can't provide? No doubt it will be delivered to my house when I'm at work.
However my determination still chugs away like the little coal train it is. I will get rid of those typos, I will make this collaboration work, I will get my books to the people I've promised them to and I will get that bloody cup to it's rightful owner!
So the next time you're thinking of giving up, remember that your determination has its rewards.
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