Next week, we'll be joined by Ken Magee. Also, in case you forgot, there will be no poetry tomorrow. Wednesday will be a day were I attempt to create a story around an inanimate object. Guess what's coming Thursday... Yes that's right, your President, Chris Bailey will regale you with the tales of outer space.
Falling by www.facebook.com/csbailey
As I gaze into your eyes, ever the more distant, I am
reminded of the past.
That day we met, that moment I realised that I loved you
and that moment I wanted to make you my wife.
I honestly believed we were meant to be together and I was
never one to believe in fate.
Even as I stood by and watched you reduce the
best of me to an eternal nothingness, I still believed.
Peering over the rooftop this fateful day, your fresh corpse
splatters and smashes against the concrete floor and I am no longer a believer.
Batteries Not Included by www.navlogan.com
Batteries not included - a phrase that makes my blood boil!
Always a keen inventor, I rummaged around in my spare parts box for a solution.
I considered solar panels but they wouldn’t be practical. I could hardly leave it outside in the sun. What would the neighbours say?
Finally, I hot-wired it to the cigarette lighter in my car. The device worked so well, I decided to give it a quick road test. That’s when the accident happened.
My appliance was humming away merrily when I crashed into the back of a parked patrol car. Don’t orgasm and drive!
Young Love... and Stuff by Bryan Thomas
Mavis, 76, was reading in the appointment room.
Two teenagers sat behind her.
"Oh my god! I was totally in Jason's bedroom last night," said Aleesha.
"Shut up! I'm so jealous," said Kaylee.
"Yeah, I was pulling his shirt off and he was getting my top off."
"Noooo!"
"Yeah, and he said, 'I totally want to have sex with you and stuff'. And I said, 'I totally want you to have sex with me and stuff'."
"Noooo! Did you... do it and stuff?"
"Nah."
Mavis put her book down, she was totally glad that she wasn't a teenager and stuff.
RIGHT JOKE – WRONG TIME by Rick Haynes
‘Heard the one about the taxi driver undoing the bra of his lady passenger. He was charged with exceeding the limits in a built up area.’
A ripple of laughter echoed around the auditorium.
‘At my last show a ‘streaker’ rushed the stage but she was thrown out by the bouncers.’
The laughter grew.
‘Doctor Dave had slept with a patient. The guilt was overwhelming. A little evil voice told him not to worry but his reality voice told him, Dave you’re a vet.’
There was total silence in the room.
He had forgotten that this was the Veterinary Convention.
Get your teeth into this 'ménage a trois.'
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