P.S. I think something may be returning tomorrow.
Kerosene Dream by Chris 'Chaos' Bailey
I met this woman last night, about five foot tall, dirty blonde hair down to her shoulders, pale skin and blue eyes to melt in to. I approached with confidence, with finesse and said all the right things. Big house, big car and I’m not overcompensating.
Needless to say, she would be mine. Back at her place, our bodies collided in a fit of passion. We ripped the clothes off our bodies and made love with the heat of a thousand fires.
I’m still burning today…
Especially when I pee, hopefully this cream the doctor has given me will help.
“You want me give you good hand job,” she asked in that sultry Vietnamese accent. Her smile was like a ray of sunshine on the miserable autumnal day.
I admit that I was a little taken back by her offer. After all, I’d only come into the boutique to book a manicure and massage for my wife’s birthday. I didn’t know what to say.
As she took my builder’s hand in her delicate fingers, I could feel my pulse racing.
“You no look after well!” she scolded. “Too dry! In bad need of hand job.”
Realisation finally dawned on me.
Shelfie by Bryan 'slot it in' Thomas
"Mum! I've set your Facebook page up."
"Thanks, sweetie. Here's my shelfie photo."
"Say what? Shelfie? I think you mean selfie?"
"No, it's a photo of my bookshelf."
"You're yanking my chain, right?"
"Not at all."
"Um... Little Women, Catcher in the Rye, Animal Farm - Animal Farm! Ewww! Is that bestiality and stuff?"
"Anna, Animal Farm is a classic of English literature."
"It sounds totally pervy to me."
"Everything sounds 'totally pervy' to teenagers."
"Seriously, you can't have that on your Facebook page."
"I can, and I will."
"Yeah, well don't expect me to send you a friend request."
THE TUNNEL by Rick 'Rude boy' Haynes
A harsh metallic voice echoed through the loudspeaker system.
‘Please have your tickets ready for inspection.’
The train pulled away. The passengers looked pale and sallow; their eyes vacant and staring. Fear emanated from every pore.
The fear intensified as a black mist drifted from seat to seat.
Travellers turned to each other for comfort.
Hideous faces peered through the windows.
A woman screamed.
A man fell.
Mr Metal spoke again.
‘Tunnel ahead!’
‘Welcome to hell!’
The carriage violently shook.
Red lights flashed.
Total black became brilliant white as the train abruptly stopped.
‘Please exit the ride to the right!’
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