Gravy Ambitions by C.S. Bailey
“Hello and welcome to KFC, I’m Dan, please can I take your order?”
“Hi, I’ll have a large big daddy meal please.”
“Would you like it large?”
“Erm… Yes.”
“What side and drink do you want?”
“I’ll have gravy and a latte please.”
“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”
“I’LL HAVE GRAVY AND A LATTE, PLEASE.”
“No worries, there you go.”
I arrive home and open up my box…
“Where’s my fucking gravy!”
The more I think about this exchange of words, I’m sure I made the right decision to kill young Dan, although the prison gravy isn’t as good.
A Brush with Death by Nav Logan
It was a miserable winter’s day. We were walking home from school, passing the rows of soot-covered terraced houses, counting Christmas trees. The rain was coming down in bucket-loads, with the constant rumble of thunder and flashes of lightning to hurry us along.
We were nearly home, and I was leading the way, wanting to be in out of the storm.
I turned around to check on my sisters’ progress, waiting for them to catch up.
As I started walking again, the lightning flashed before me, right where I would have been standing had I not waited. A close call!
XXX by Bryan Thomas
Ted Hunter, America's foremost news reporter, entered the giant distribution warehouse of Depth Charge, the biggest pornography producer in the world.
"This place is absolutely vast," said Ted.
"It's the size of sixteen baseball stadiums," said CEO Chuck Kulick.
Following Chuck's enthusiastic prompts, Ted looked at random DVDs on his guided tour of the warehouse.
"Chuck, you've got some pretty weird stuff in here, what would you say is your hottest niche seller at the moment?"
"Crustaceans."
"Crustaceans?"
"Yeah, crustacean BDSM in particular is flying off the shelves at the moment."
"What category would that come under, Chuck?"
"Hardcore Prawn."
AUSTERITY by Rick Haynes
The sun was shining, the sky was a perfect blue and the ‘postie’ fell off his red bike.
It was an old ‘postie’, on an old bike, on an even older road.
Just another everyday occurrence in a small Greek village.
Except of course that it didn’t really happen like that.
The ‘postie’ was really suffering from the previous night’s party that ended in the early hours.
The bike was sort of ‘newish’ and the road recently resurfaced.
Still, in times of austerity, it’s better to say that nothing works.
Today, the sober ‘postie’ really did fall off his bike.
Oops!
Let Her Go by D.S. Scott
“We must let her go!”
“We? You’re the one who took her!”
“But you told me to. You made me do it.”
“Yeah, and it was just me. You had nothing to do with it.”
Sandy could hear the two men arguing next door. She had seen the face of the man who took her but couldn’t get a glimpse of the other’s. She was tied to a heavy dresser and had to pull on her restraints to see around the door frame. She gasped when she saw her kidnapper speaking into a mirror.
“But we have to …”
“No … we don’t.”
Sunny Day by J.P. Royan
It was a gloriously sunny day and the sunlight dazzled off the bleached white sands. The air moved in waves of heat from the dunes to the blue cloudless sky. Rodriguez's eye were focused on a troop of ants marching the sand, carrying flotsam and jetsam, no doubt to their anthill and their queen.
Rodriguez had been watching them for hours, watching them march closes and closer. They would spot him soon. Hard to know what was going to kill him first really? The ants, the circling vultures, or the desert heat, berried up to the neck as he was!
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